With all of your colors
by OkuntinTenfeder
Summary: "If their journey together was a painting it would be complete now." After more than 20 years together Zoe and Grace have to say goodbye. Major character death. Sequel of "Back to the rooftop".
1. Chapter 1

_A/N: This story plays in the future when Zoe, Grace and their friends are 39 years old. It´s the sequel of my story "Back to the rooftop". So if you don´t know that one yet I´d suggest for you to read it first.  
_

 _Legal: This story is a fanwork. The show and the characters belong to Epitome/DHX Media. They just came by to play with my imagination._

 _Warning: Major character death. Keep tissues close by. For added mood you can listen to the Lindsey Stirling cover of My Immortal.  
_

* * *

 **With all of your colors**

Zoe stared at the empty screen. Did she even have words left for the emptiness she felt? She stood wandering to the window. She had already called Tristan earlier. She had thought it would be easier to write everyone else.

She closed her eyes, then she went back to sit at the desk again. She took a deep breath. Then she started to write:

To everyone,

yesterday the most precious thing in my life disappeared. But I´m grateful for every day I could spend with Grace. Yesterday she lost the battle against the illness she´s been living with for so long.

The funeral is next Thursday. She always thought that no one would come to her grave so I hope most of you will come to prove her wrong.

Zoe

Without reading it a second time she pressed send. Afterwards she couldn´t help but cry again. She stood because she felt like doing something violent. She went to the wall to hit against it with her fist in anger. She only stopped to sink to the floor shaking from crying.

That´s how Tristan and Miles found her. Tristan was with her in a second pulling her close. "Why?", Zoe asked, "she was so special. She was the best person there was. Why did she have to be ill?"

Miles crouched besides them putting a hand on her shoulder in support. They just let her cry not knowing what else to do.

The tears only stopped when she finally fell asleep. Tristan carried her to her bed and Miles pulled the blanket over her. Then they laid down on the blanket with her in the middle each putting an arm over her.

###

Tristan also had fallen asleep, when there was a knock on the door. Miles sat up and when Grace´s mother entered the room he stood. "My condolence", he said.

She nodded. "It´s good the two of you could come so fast."

"Can I help with anything?", Miles offered.

She shook her head. "Just take care of her." She nodded towards Zoe. "Grace had decided on most things ahead in time so we just had to forward it to the undertaker. She just wanted Zoe to choose the music so maybe you can talk to her about it as soon as she´s ready."

Miles nodded. "We´ll do that."

She tried a sad smile. "Thank you. I´m going to cook now. Any wishes?"

Miles shook his head. "No. Whatever fits you is fine."

"Okay", she said. She gave him a nod and left the room.

He turned around and realized that Tristan had woken. They shared a look and then Miles laid down with them again, weaving his fingers with Tristan´s.

###

Later their plates and the rest of self made pizza was on Zoe´s bed. She had only eaten a few mouthfuls but now she was going through Grace´s playlist while Tristan and Miles were tidying the room. It was the guest room of the Cardinals. When Grace´s illness had become worse a few weeks ago they had moved back with them. Zoe had moved into the guest room in case she or Grace had needed some space.

While listening to one of Grace´s favorite songs she watched Miles and Tristan and remembered the day Grace had told them about her illness.

It had been six or seven years back. They had sat on a cliff together. Talking and laughing. And when there was a silence for a moment Grace who had been leaning against Zoe had become serious. "I have cystic fibrosis and I don´t know how many years I´m still going to have."

It had come out of nowhere and Tristan and Miles had stared at her in shock. "Since when...", Tristan had finally asked.

Grace had given him a sad smile. "Since I was born."

Tristan and Miles had looked up to Zoe and she had known the question. "Since high school", she had answered while pressing Grace´s hand she had been holding in her´s and Grace had given her a short look.

Miles and Tristan had been silent for a while. Realizing what the two of them had been carrying together for so long time without a word. Zoe had pulled Grace closer. She had known without words that Grace hadn´t told them for her own sake - she had for them to be able to be there for her when the time has come.

And know they were here doing right that. And not just that. They had been great adapting to the knowledge. There hadn´t been any pity. They hadn´t been afraid of the topic but they hadn´t mentioned it unnecessarily either. In high school Zoe never would have thought of Grace becoming close friends with Tristan and Miles but it had happened and it hadn´t been a surprise that she had chosen to entrust them.

She saw Miles stopping in front of her desk grabbing a picture of the four of them laughing together. And suddenly she saw tears spilling down his cheeks. Tristan was there to hug him tight. They also had lost a friend. A few years back Miles had told Grace that he would miss her and tried to laugh it off but Grace and Zoe both had known, that he had meant it.

Silently she put the iPhone down and rose to join their hug putting their heads together.

###

In the evening a call from Maya came in. Zoe gave the phone to Tristan and he handled telling her about Grace´s CF. After Zoe had tried to hook up with Zig back in high school and Grace still deciding to be with her they had started to drift apart. But Grace had still written mails with them from time to time.

Three years back Zig and Maya had gone separate ways. Zig had wanted children, Maya had wanted her career. But from what she could hear now, Zig was at Maya´s right now. Both shocked with the news.

The last time Tristan had had such a long talk with Maya had been, when Zig and her had broken up. While listening to them talking Zoe went through the list of songs she had made and scratched some until she had only three left.

She gave Miles a weak smile and rose to go downstairs to Grace´s parents. Amia was cooking while Josephe was doing the dishes. They both looked worn.

Zoe stood in the door for a moment until they turned to her. She held out the list. "I chose the songs", she said tears brimming in her eyes.

Amia wiped her hands on a towel and came to hug her, stroking her head. "How are you doing?" She detached from her to look at her.

Zoe shrugged. "I thought I was prepared but I´m not."

"Being prepared doesn´t mean you can skip the grief of loosing someone", Amia said, "we were prepared since she was small. It still hurts. And that´s okay because we loved her."

Zoe nodded tears still streaking down her cheeks. Amia gave her a sad smile, stroking her cheek. "Tomorrow a friend of mine will come, she´ll sleep on the couch. Can you work something out with Tristan and Miles?"

Zoe took a breath. "I´m going back to the apartement tomorrow."

"You don´t need to", Amia said, "you can stay as long as you want."

Zoe shook her head. She needed distance. Distance from the room Grace had died in. The room she hadn´t entered since they had carried Grace out of there. "I want to. I need some space", she said.

Amia nodded with a sad smile. "Whatever you need."

"Thank you", Zoe said and gave her the same sad smile. Then she went back upstairs.

When she entered the room Tristan and Miles were asleep on the bed. Miles had his arm over Tristan´s waist. She stayed in the door and took in the picture.

After altering between dating and being friends all the time in high school they had decided that if they really wanted to stay in each other´s life they´d be better off as friends. But they always had been closer than usual male friends.

She watched them with a weak smile. Then she closed the door and went to sit at the window looking pensively into the darkness outside. It was the evening of her first day in a world without Grace.

###

The next day Tristan and Miles helped Zoe moving back to the apartment she had shared with Grace. The two of them had booked a hotel room at least for the first two nights. They wanted to give her space but didn´t want to be too far off.

While Zoe still had an apartment for her work downtown Toronto, most of the time she had lived with Grace a little outside of Toronto. Some of their friends lived there and Grace had taken a liking to the town and the nature. It had fuelled her creative work. That´s why they had decided to move out here.

After Tristan and Miles had said goodbye and left, she slowly got her shoes off and sat on the floor against the wall of the living room. She hugged her knees and just sat there for a long time. She felt empty and for the time being she was grateful for it because she was completely emotionally drained.

In the afternoon she went to bed and slept till the next day. She still didn´t feel much like eating, so breakfast was an orange. Afterwards she checked her mails and read the replies to her message. They had friends on the whole continent because they had travelled a lot together.

Some just expressed their sadness, others promised to come to the funeral. It was more of the later ones and it made Zoe cry again. There would be many people at Grace´s grave.

Later some of them even called. Some of Grace´s artist friends in town offered help but Zoe didn´t know what she could tell them to do.

In the afternoon Tristan and Miles called. "Want us to come over?", Tristan asked.

"No", Zoe hesitated, "no, I need the space."

"Okay", she heard Miles answering.

"Maya and Zig and Tiny and his wife are coming on Wednesday", Tristan told her.

Zoe wasn´t very happy about it. "Can you take care of them?", she asked, "I... can´t deal with them right now."

"They aren´t angry at you or something", Miles said, "if they are angry then it´s at themselves."

"No", Zoe said, "it´s just... all their questions..."

"We´re taking care of them", Tristan promised.

Zoe tried to smile. "Thanks."

"We ordered your favorite food by the way", Tristan changed the subject, "it should be there in about ten."

"I´m not...", Zoe started.

"Hungry?", Tristan asked, "really, Zoe, what did you eat today?"

"An orange", she admitted.

"If you want us to give you space you have to promise us to eat some", Tristan said sternly.

She sighed. "I will."

"Good." Tristan was content.

"Then call us whenever you need us", Miles added.

"I will", she promised again and they said their goodbyes.

###

The following two days Zoe visited Grace´s parents and Miles and Tristan tried to get her thoughts off the funeral but on Wednesday she was quite relieved that the two of them were busy with Maya, Zig and Tiny and she had another day for herself.

She went back to the spot on the floor she had sat on the first day and opened the picture folder on her phone. The first picture she opened was of the two of them standing in front of an old car, arms wrapped around each other´s shoulders with happy smiles. That was right after high school. Instead of going to college right away they had decided to take a year off and travel.

It had been a great year. So many experiences she wouldn´t want to miss. If it wouldn´t have been for Grace, she wouldn´t have dared to break free like that. She went on looking fondly at the pictures of their journey. At one she even had to smile. They had had a flat tire in the middle of nowhere. Zoe had been all drama about it but Grace hadn´t been fazed at all by her - as always and had gotten the spare tire from the trunk. She had even gotten Zoe to help her and in the end the tire had been on and they both completely dirty. Laughing Grace had leaned her against the car and they had kissed and held each other for quite some time. Grace might not have been into sex but she had always enjoyed their closeness.

She looked for a more recent picture of Grace and put her phone down looking at it. "I still love you so much", she said in a low voice tears falling down her face.

She still remembered clearly the day when they had said these words for the first time. After their talk on the rooftop it had taken them a year making sure they would work out even without sex. As much as they flowed together in every other aspect there still had been insecurities. But the more time had passed the more secure they had felt with their relationship.

They had been at the tables in front of the school and Zoe was throwing a tantrum about something completely unimportant. Grace had just watched her with a small grin and said: "I´d really miss it if you wouldn´t make a scene once in a while, you know. It´s so you."

Zoe had stared at her completely off guard and Grace had smiled. "I love all of your colors, you know."

Their eyes had met and Zoe had felt the tears in her eyes. Then she had thrown herself at Grace embracing her and holding tight. "I love you. You don´t know how much."

"I might have a clue", Grace had answered with a grin while they had separated.

Zoe had answered with a huff. "Why can´t you take this serious."

Grace had smiled. "I do. I just can´t do too cheesy."

Zoe had smiled as well. "That´s so you."

Back at her apartment Zoe hugged her knees and closed her eyes. Somehow those memories were soothing. As if something of Grace was still with her.

###

Zoe had come to church with the Cardinals. Miles, Tristan and the rest of their high school friends came together a bit later. Grace´s artist friends came after them waving her while Tristan and Miles came up to hug her. Zig and Maya only nodded at her while Tiny came up to shake hands with Zoe and the Cardinals. Then her friends went back to their row. Zoe would sit with the Cardinals.

From time to time she turned around seeing the church fill with people, recognizing people they had met on their journeys. Then the mass began. A pastor and an Anishnawbe elder held the mass together but Zoe could hardly follow them, her thoughts wandering back again.

When Grace had become an artist it had also opened up the way for her to take interest in the Anishnawbe traditions. Sometimes Zoe had gone with her to the center. Or sat in the living room her eyes closed listening to Grace play the drums and sing one of the old songs she had learned there or from her parents.

She blinked and realized that the last of the songs, she had chosen was playing. It was a happy one and it actually had been one of her own favorites first. Grace had loved it, too and they had often happily sung along with it together.

Afterwards the pastor and the elder spoke their last prayers. Then they all stood and made their way out of the church to drive to the cemetery.

When they got out of their cars some of their artist friends came up to them. They carried a colorful piece of cloth. "We...", one of them began, "we thought that maybe we could cover the coffin with this. We made it yesterday."

The gesture made Zoe nearly cry again. She should have thought of something like this herself. She looked up to the Cardinals. Amia nodded. "Sure", she said to their friends. Josephe nodded as well, obviously appreciating the gesture.

Together they went to the coffin where Josephe talked to the undertaker who just nodded. Two of their friends then covered the coffin and now that they saw the full banner for the first time Zoe couldn´t help but cry. It was colorful, with a peace sign in the middle and two hands holding each other beneath.

Miles put a hand on her shoulder while Tristan put his hand on the banner. "Gosh, what a beautiful idea."

Zoe stepped forward and when she put her hand on the banner Tristan took a step back. Zoe stroked the cloth. "I love you", she whispered.

Then she stepped back and six men stepped forward to carry the coffin to the open grave. They slowly escorted them.

At the grave the pastor and the elder held another speech, spoke another prayer and then the men let the coffin down into the grave. Zoe hid her face at Tristan´s shoulder crying.

Grace´s parents stepped to the grave to say goodbye. They threw roses and a hand full of soil on the coffin. Zoe was next. She stepped forward. She didn´t have a rose but one of Grace´s favourite flowers. She looked down at the coffin. The banner felt so right on it. She took the soil from the bowl and crouched to throw it down together with the flower. Then she stepped aside. Amia put a supportive hand on her back while they watched other relatives passing the grave. Miles and Tristan were the first of their friends. Zoe saw Tristan blinking away tears and Miles crying silent tears. They threw their roses and earth down on the coffin and then joined her.

It took a while until the last ones had passed the grave and people scattered to talk. Amia and Josephe went to the group of artists to thank for the banner and Tristan went to talk to Maya and Zig while Miles stayed close by. Tiny and his wife came up to Zoe to talk to her.

"Hey, if you need anything call me", he offered, "I mean I can come down here for a week if you need to move Grace´s stuff out or something."

"I haven´t thought of that yet", Zoe answered, "and we have friends around here."

It was then that she realized that Tiny just wanted to do something even if it was something small. "Grace always wanted Degrassi to get her old instruments. I don´t want to send them via mail. Maybe you can drive them down there."

Tiny nodded gratefully. "I´ll do that."

First he wanted to shake her hand, then he gave her a spontaneous hug. His wife shook her and Miles´ hand and then they went on. Now they could hear Tristan, Maya and Zig talking.

"Why did she never trust us?" Maya was on the border to being hysterical. "And why did she trust her even back then already?"

"Cause she loved her", Tristan simply pointed out.

"But we could have helped her", Maya cried while Zig tried to hold her.

Tristan shook his head. "She didn´t need help. You couldn´t have done anything." When Maya wanted to protest again, he seriously looked at her. "Listen, she was happy. She didn´t die like Cam, okay?"

Maya stared at him only now realizing why she was so upset. Tears running down her cheeks while she leaned against Zig. "I´m sorry."

"Maybe you should tell that to her", Tristan said pointing to Zoe, "there stands the person who´s the saddest of us and that had the biggest part in Grace´s happiness. Maybe you should start to acknowledge that."

"He´s right", Zig said now and Maya nodded.

Together they went up to Zoe. They didn´t talk long but at the end Maya even gave her a hug. Zig and her offered help as well and then they said goodbye.

Zoe asked Tristan and Miles to bring her home. She took a last look at the open grave and said goodbye to the Cardinals. Then they left the cemetery.

###

Later that evening Zoe got ready for bed and somehow it felt right to finally enter Grace´s room - for the first time since her death. They each had their own room in their apartment even though they often slept together in one of them.

She opened the door and took in the room. Grace´s favorite painting stood on her easel - as usual when she wasn´t working on a new one. Zoe stepped closer and let her hand travel over the colors that Grace had splashed on the canvas until she reached the bottom of it where Grace had put the title and her signature: "All of my colors" by "Grace"

"You are the only one that knows all of my colors and you love them", Grace had explained to her with a smile, "as I love all of yours."

Remembering those words Zoe had to smile even though it was a sad one. It had been on their first journey that Grace had discovered painting for herself. They had met a street live artist and he had taken them to the local artist center and it was as if Grace had opened a door in herself she hadn´t known existed. She still had studied IT later and worked just enough to make a living from it. But her art had been far more important to her.

For the moment Zoe felt at peace and turned to the bed. She laid down and put the blanket over herself. It still smelled of Grace. She stroked it with her hand and smiled and even though it still wasn´t late she fell asleep.

###

In the next weeks Zoe decided to move out of the apartment. At first she wanted to move to her own apartment in Toronto downtown until Miles offered her to stay with him for a while. His house was too big for him alone anyway. And after thinking about it she decided that it was a good idea to not be alone for a while.

The day she was moving out the Cardinals had come to help and pick up some of Grace´s things Zoe couldn´t fit in her apartment. When they later stood in front of the house ready to leave Amia hugged Zoe while Josephe put a hand on her shoulder. "You´re still welcome with us", Amia said pulling back a bit, "we don´t want to loose you as well."

Zoe couldn´t say how much those words meant to her. The more estranged she had become from her own mother, after she had told her that she was with Grace and didn´t intend in the slightest to change that, the closer she had become to Grace´s parents. And she hadn´t intended in the slightest to cut ties with them now. "You won´t", she said with a smile.

Amia nodded and then Josephe and her got into the car and drove away. For a moment Zoe just stood there and looked after them. Until Miles came and put an arm over her shoulders. "Ready to go, roomie?"

She turned to him and nodded. "Just let me say goodbye." He nodded and let go of her. When she went back to the house Tristan passed her carrying the last box. He knew what she was up to and just nodded at her.

Up in the apartment she went through the empty rooms. It was as if she could still hear the echoes of their voices. Laughing, arguing, talking. She looked at the spot on the floor she had sat on so often since Grace was gone.

She turned and saw each of them on their end of the couch working in companionable silence. Or rolling laughing and kissing over the couch that wasn´t there anymore now. She knew it had been the right choice to move out. That way in her memories this apartment would always be the one they had lived in together.

Suddenly she felt so grateful. "Thank you", she whispered with tears running down her cheeks, "thank you."

Then she took a shaking breath and turned to leave the apartment. When she left the house Tristan was already there to hug her and she was grateful for it. Then they got into the car where Miles was already waiting and while he pulled the car on the street she looked back with a small smile before she leaned back against the back of her seat and closed her eyes.

 _*End chapter 1_


	2. Chapter 2

Living with Miles was easy. The first thing she had done in her new room was assembling the easel to put Grace´s painting on it. That way it felt as if all of her colors were still with her.

A week into living with Miles she had started working again. When the condition of Grace had worsened she had cancelled all of her jobs. Luck was, she didn´t have had a major role at that time.

There were days she didn´t see Miles at all because of their work schedule but when one of them was sitting in the living room it always was an invitation to sit with them. And Tristan was a regular guest at the house anyway.

It had been a long day of work but when she saw the light in the living room she decided that it would be nice to chat with Miles for a while. She opened the door and Miles was on the couch eating sushi. He grinned at her. "I ordered for two."

She smiled. "Thanks." She put her handbag down to take her box off the table and sit down on the couch.

"So how was work?", he asked.

She rolled her eyes. "The director is an ass. We had to repeat one scene like a hundredth times."

He grinned. "But it´s good that you´re working again."

She nodded. "It is. How was your day?"

He shrugged. "Much of the same of every day. My job isn´t as interesting as yours." He was working at a bank. Making good money.

"Why did you never try to make a living from writing?", she asked.

He straightened with a shrug, now more interested in the conversation. "Always been a hobby. And it´s a nice change from working."

Now that caught Zoe´s attention. "You´re still writing?"

He shrugged. "Yes."

"What do you write?", she asked.

"Whatever comes to my mind", he answered.

"Can I read some?", she asked.

"I´ll give you a memory stick later", he promised.

"Why not now?", she asked.

He grinned at her. "Persistent, are we?" He thought for a second and shrugged again. He turned to the table and opened his notebook to search his folders for something he could give her to read. She slipped next to him and after he had opened a file he gave the notebook to her.

Zoe put the sushi box down next to her and took the notebook to start reading while putting sushi in her mouth from time to time. Miles watched her still eating his own sushi. When he finally put his empty sushi box aside she looked up. "It´s quite good", she said, "I like it."

He smiled and she could see that he appreciated her praise. She put the notebook aside looking at him. "You should try to publish some of it."

He shrugged. "I don´t write for that."

She grinned. "But you´re still happy when someone likes it."

He grinned as well. "Caught me." Their eyes met and suddenly there was something that hadn´t been there before. They both leaned in and before any of them could think they were in a heated kiss. Zoe felt the tingle she had never acted on with Grace. She sat on his lap and dived for more kissing. Fortunately Miles had protection with him because they soon started to get rid of their clothes.

Afterwards the heat of the fling left Zoe pretty fast. She pulled to the far end of the couch taking a thin blanket to cover herself. She took deep breaths, gaze far away.

Miles closed his trousers, giving her a glance. "You didn´t betray her or something", he said seriously.

Zoe gave him a short glance. "Can you give me a moment?"

"Yeah", he said, "sure." He took his shirt and went to the door, only giving her a short glance before he left the room.

When he was gone she closed her eyes. She knew that she didn´t betray Grace. Even if she would still be alive she wouldn´t have. Once in a while Zoe had had flings like this and Grace had known it. Well, they had decided to count out friends but other from that Grace had been okay with it. The first years in a relationship without sex had worked fine with her taking care of herself. And while they had been on their journey life had been so exciting it had taken her mind off of it. But into their second year of college when a guy had hit on her and just for a second she had been tempted to go with him Zoe had realized that she had to keep her promise from the rooftop and talk with Grace.

She had known that Grace had been afraid of this back on the rooftop. The more surprised had she been to realize that Grace already had made her peace with it.

When Zoe had told her she had weaved their fingers and gazed at her seriously. "When I expect you to push it down all the time we´re going to fall apart for sure cause it´s not fair to you. Only I would get this relationship how I want it to be and you´re making the sacrifice. So we´ll have to deal with you being with someone else once in a while together."

Zoe had stared at her. "You sure?"

Grace had nodded seriously. "As long as it´s me you´re coming back to."

Zoe had hugged her in relief. "Always."

They had had a long talk about it. Deciding on counting out friends or more than once with the same person. And especially on Zoe not keeping it secret. Grace hadn´t had wanted her to carry it alone. So they had together.

At first there had been insecuries for both of them. But with the time going by they had realized that it was only as big an issue as they made it. Even though it hadn´t been part of their agreement Zoe had always gone for guys because it hadn´t felt right to go for a woman. And in the end she hadn´t had done it very often in all those years anyway.

By now Zoe had gotten her clothes back on. She looked at the couch and shook her head. What a weird situation she thought slightly amused.

She found Miles on the terrace. He sat with a juice mix on one of the sun loungers. When she stepped onto the terrace he put it aside and sat up watching her. She sat down on the lounger across from him.

"Do we need to talk or something?", he asked while she stretched her legs on the lounger. She looked at him with a smile. "We had fun. No hard feelings. Except... you want a relationship."

Miles laughed and grinned his boyish grin. "A relationship? Come on, Zoe. You know me better."

She couldn´t help but grin. She knew that Miles wasn´t much into relationships. He didn´t have anything that was meant to last more than a few weeks since high school. "Thought so."

He grinned at her. "Though we still can repeat that."

She threw a pillow at him in good humor. "Goofball." He just grinned.

###

It didn´t end with one time. But they weren´t hung up on it. They had fun together once in a while and they still could walk away from it and be friends in every other regard.

Zoe looked up from the script she was learning when there was a knock on the door and Tristan entered. "Hi, there", he said hugging her before he threw himself in her armchair. "Heard Miles and you´re f***buddies now", he said with a grin, "you could have told me."

Zoe made a face. "At least call it friends with benefits."

"Meaning the same thing", Tristan said with a cheeky grin.

Zoe reached over to slap him on the shoulder. Tristan just looked at her shaking his head in good humor and rose to his feet. "Come on, Miles´s waiting. Beach day."

She looked at the script and decided that she had come far enough to take a few hours off. She rose as well. "Okay, let´s go."

###

Later they were sitting together on a blanket at the beach. "Maya and Zig are giving it another try, by the way", Tristan told them and went on with a grin, "and soon they´re getting a cute little boy."

"Maya´s pregnant?", Miles asked in surprise.

"Of course not", Tristan said, "they´re adopting. No pregnancy, Zig´s staying at home and Maya can go on with her career."

"Will be nice for the kid when it realizes that only Zig wants him there", Zoe said sarcastically.

Tristan smiled mischievously. "Well, Maya didn´t say it in words but I think she´s happy about being able to be a mom without having to give up on her career."

"Those two are still crazy", Miles said grinning.

"And they´re going to give a cute little baby boy a home", Tristan said, "sounds like a good kind of crazy."

"So Grace had to die for them to make up." Zoe didn´t sound happy.

Tristan put an arm over her shoulders. "They just needed a kick in their butts. And Grace dieing was just an extra hard kick. But, hey - I think Grace would be happy for them."

Zoe pressed her lips together and nodded. Miles rose to his feet. "Ice cream?", he asked. The both nodded and he went to get some.

###

Later Zoe wandered the beach alone. Finally sitting on a big stone staring at the sea and the sky. She remembered the time they had been down in California visiting friends. Somehow they had gotten in a big fight in front of their friends.

One of the guys had chuckled. "Passionate, huh? I´d know a better way to steam off." They had both glared at him and Grace had left without a word.

Later Zoe had found her sitting on a stone like this at the beach. Silently she had sat next to her but Grace hadn´t been in the mood for sea watching. She had risen, held out her hand to her and taken her to the artistic center.

Zoe had watched her covering the floor with newspaper not knowing what she planned at all. In the end Grace had put a big canvas on the easel and gotten the paint out. Then she had turned to Zoe. "Come."

Slowly Zoe had joined her and Grace had nodded towards the paint. "Choose whatever you like."

"Why?", Zoe had asked.

Grace had given her a stubborn look. "Cause we´re going to paint together."

Still not getting her at all Zoe had chosen the pink color while Grace had already bean spreading the blue paint on the canvas with her hand. "Do whatever you like", she had said to Zoe.

Hesitantly at first but with each color more sure of what she was doing Zoe had done that. Their hands had touched on the canvas. And at first Grace painted the back of Zoe´s hand with green, then she had gone up her arm with the paint meeting her eyes with a grin. Zoe had paid her back in red and soon the canvas had been forgotten because they chased each other through the room painting each other tumbling on the floor laughing and kissing.

In the end they had sat peacefully on the floor leaning against the wall watching what a mess they had made of the room. That had been the moment when Zoe had realized that Grace had found their way to steam off.

"I´m sorry that we can´t do this like other couples", Grace had suddenly said seriously.

"Stop blaming yourself for that", Zoe had said, leaning her head against her shoulder taking her hand, "I loved this." Grace had smiled and leaned her head against Zoe´s. "I want to repeat this", Zoe had said after a while.

"Me, too. How about next fight?", Grace had said with a grin.

"We´re going to have to fight a lot", Zoe had answered with a cheeky grin before closing her eyes enjoying the closeness.

Back in the presence Zoe wiped her eyes. Painting together had been part of their unique relationship since that day. She took her phone and chose a selfie of them with happy colored faces. She had taken the picture while Grace had kissed her cheek. She looked at it with a loving smile.

Another time when they had just left Grace´s room after a painting session the doorbell had rung. It had been Leah a friend of their´s with a surprise visit. Zoe had dashed to the bathroom to clean herself up and change clothes while she had left an amused Grace to open the door still full of paint.

When Zoe had joined them Leah had grinned at both them. "I´d really like to know what the two of you have been up to." She had looked to Grace. "You´re more colorful than usual and you..." She looked at Zoe her head crooked. "I think you have some paint in your hair."

Caught Zoe had grabbed her hair, then she had seen Grace barely holding back her laughter. She had glared at her. "Very funny, Cardinal." Which had amused Grace only more. "Oh, we´re on last name terms now. Maybe I should paint your face again."

"Don´t you dare." They had glared at one another and then Zoe had lifted her chin. "I´m going to wash my hair again." With that she had left the room.

Barely out of the room she had heard Leah telling Grace with a smile how unique they were. She hadn´t been able to hold back a smile of her own.

Later when she had come back from the bathroom Leah had been gone. Grace had stood to frame Zoe´s face with her hands and kiss her. "We´re fine, aren´t we?", she had asked, serious now.

Zoe had grinned at her. "Yeah. You know me."

Grace had grinned as well. "Still a drama queen." Then she had smiled and leaned in for another kiss.

The beeping of her phone brought her back. She looked at it and couldn´t help but smile. It was a message from Leah asking how she was doing. She decided to call her later. She still had to thank her for the banner they had painted for Grace´s coffin.

She put her phone aside and took a deep breath before she held her face into the evening sun with her eyes closed.

###

Two more weeks went by and Zoe got a letter from Amia. It held a note by her saying that Grace had wanted her to get this two month after her death.

Zoe sat on her bed unfolding the bigger paper with shaking hands. There they were. All of their paintings. She hadn´t even known that Grace had taken pictures of them. They hadn´t even kept them. They had used canvas and colors they could wash out because all those paintings had just been for that moment.

And obviously for this moment. They were all around the paper and in the middle there stood in Grace´s handwriting:

Your colors mixed with mine is the most beautiful thing in the world. And don´t hide any of your colors I still love so much from the people around you. Grace

Zoe hid her face in her arms and cried. Hard. Grace had obviously known that she wouldn´t have been able to take this right after her death. From time to time Grace had been worried that Zoe would completely go back to hiding herself after she was gone. And in a way she had been right.

It was Tristan who found her like that. He had already heard her crying from outside the room and when she hadn´t answered his knock he had come in rushing to her side in a second. "Did something happen?", he asked pulling her close.

That´s when she showed him. The colors only Grace had been able to see. She gave the collage to him. "Are those paintings from her?", he asked because he didn´t recognize any of them.

"No, they are from us." Zoe was still crying. Tristan looked at her in confusion. "We painted together and each other and everything around us. It was like... flowing together."

"Oh, dear", Tristan sighed stroking her temple.

It took a while until her tears lessened and for a while she just leaned her head against his shoulder with her eyes closed. But then she opened them because she felt like showing him something else. She took her phone and opened one of those selfies they had taken after their painting sessions.

She held it to Tristan and he took the phone to take in the two happy colorful faces. "Gosh, this is so beautiful. If I was into women I´d be so in love with both of you."

Zoe couldn´t help but smile. "Thank you."

###

The day after that for the first time after Grace´s death Zoe drove to the artist center to meet with Leah and their other friends. She felt comfortable with them and it wasn´t as hard as she had thought to answer their questions. For them Grace´s death had come out of nowhere.

And she realized that this place wasn´t as empty as their apartment after Grace was gone. This place was buzzing from life. When she finally left, Zoe had decided that she would come more often.

Two more weeks went by. Somehow Zoe wasn´t in the mood to sleep with Miles anymore. Instead she had started painting at the artist center. Leah had been surprised at first but when she had realized that Zoe wasn´t painting for the first time in her life, she hadn´t said a word anymore.

In the evenings she still often sat together with Miles. Sometimes talking, other times in silence while she was drawing or learning her scripts and he was writing.

###

Zoe looked at her watch. Dinnertime already. She had been deep into learning her new script but now she was hungry.

After she had a small dinner in the kitchen, she wanted to pass Miles´ room on her back and was surprised to run into Tristan. Barefoot without a shirt that is. Obviously coming from Miles´ room. He didn´t look too happy about meeting her.

She frowned. "You and Miles...?"

"Yes. And don´t make a big deal of it", Tristan replied in defence.

"But...", Zoe started.

"No, buts", Tristan interrupted her, "you did the same with him, remember? Why can´t I from time to time?"

"From time to time?", Zoe repeated in irritation, "since when...?"

He shrugged and she scowled. "Tristan, since when?"

He shrugged again not looking at her. "Since forever?"

Zoe stared at him. Why hadn´t she seen that before? Tristan not telling her this. His sleeping around. Miles´ short term relationships. Their gazes... How could they have fooled her with their decision to take friendship over a relationship. "You´re nuts", was the first thing that came to her mind.

Tristan crossed his arms defensively. "Not everyone can have this great big relationship like you did. You even made it work without sex. Lucky you."

Zoe looked at him only feeling sympathy. "You love him."

Tristan shook his head. "That´s not the point."

"That´s all of the point!", Zoe screamed, "I slept with him and you laughed it off! Start living for god´s sake! And don´t tell me you don´t know how to make it work! You work fine as friends, it´s not that different!"

"As if you´d know anything!" Tristan was getting loud as well, trying to fend her off but he only got her more agitated.

"YOU don´t know anything!", she screamed, "WE knew that we wouldn´t have a lifetime but we lived every fucking day to the fullest. I´d never give that up for a full lifetime of pushing down our feelings, wasting our time because of that stupid thought that there still was later. There. is. NOT!" She took a breath, crying now, before she went on in a lower voice. "Later also ends sometime, you know? You´ll regret it like hell. I at least have nothing to regret, even if I have to live another forty years without her."

She looked up and realized that Miles was standing in his doorframe. She didn´t know how long he was listening already. Without another word she rushed past them.

Tristan turned to Miles and for a moment they just looked at each other. "She´s right", Miles finally said what they both were thinking.

They didn´t know who had done the first step but they rushed to each other. Tristan grabbed Miles´ face, kissing him, desperately holding onto him. Miles turned them pressing Tristan against the wall going on with the kiss. All of those securely pushed down feelings coming up at once. They lost the few clothes they had on in seconds and didn´t even care that they still were in the hallway.

In the meantime Zoe had returned to her room still crying. Now that her time with Grace was over the time for those two had begun. In a weird way that made sense to her. And as they always had watched over Grace and her, always ready to rush to her side when the call would come, she was ready to help them make it work.

She took Grace´s painting from the easel and sat cross legged in the middle of her bed with it. Looking at it. Grace hadn´t wanted her to cancel her jobs when her condition worsened but Zoe wouldn´t have had it. Even though it already had been planned that they would move to the house of Grace´s parents where they could help taking care of Grace, Zoe hadn´t wanted to miss any of those last precious minutes with her.

They had tried to make things as easy as they could. They hadn´t ignored that Grace was going die but they also still tried to live as much as they could. Zoe had brought canvas and paint to her bed and together they had painted. It hadn´t been as lively as before but they had a laugh here and there. Afterwards Zoe had to change the sheets because the newspaper hadn´t kept all of the paint off them but that was minor.

The weaker she had become, the less they could do together. Tristan and Miles had been there one of these days and when they had said goodbye they all had known that it would be for forever. It had been hard on them, Zoe knew that.

In her last days Zoe had read short stories to Grace even though she knew that Grace hadn´t been interested in them. Grace had just wanted to listen to her voice. When Grace had been up to it they had looked at old pictures and talked.

"You´re not going to do something stupid when I´m gone, are you?", Grace had asked at one of these days.

Zoe had looked up at her in surprise. The thought had had never crossed her mind. "No. Someone needs to be here, keep our memories, you know."

Grace had stroked the back of Zoe´s hand she was holding with her thumb and smiled. "Promise me you´re going to ask for help when you need it. At least Tristan or Miles or my parents."

Zoe had nodded tears running down. At first she had tried to be strong for Grace but Grace wouldn´t have had it. When she had told Zoe how much she hated to leave her alone they both had cried together. And since then she hadn´t even tried to hide the tears.

On Grace´s last two days she mostly even had been to weak to talk and Zoe had barely left the room. She had eaten some of what Amia or Josephe had brought her and had run to the toilet leaving all doors open.

After the evening routine of talking to Grace and speaking a prayer in their aboriginal language at Grace´s bed Amia and Josephe had left the room and Zoe had lain down besides her on top of the covers putting her hand and her head on Grace´s shoulders.

"Thanks for taking that road with me", Grace had said in a hoarse voice, "I had an amazing life."

Zoe had turned her head to meet her eyes. "Me, too."

A weak smile had appeared on Grace´s face. "I love you. Hope at least that can survive death."

"I love you, too. And don´t you dare not take that with you." Zoe had looked at her seriously and Grace had given her a small version of that crooked smile of her. Then Zoe had bent down to kiss her cheek.

Grace had freed her hand off her blanket to take Zoe´s hand. Then she had closed her eyes exhausted. Zoe had dosed off as well until she had woken up feeling as if something was missing. When she had looked at Grace she had known what it was. Grace was gone.

Slowly she had let go of her hand to stroke her cheek. "Thank you", she had whispered, "thank you." The first tears had been falling and she had sat up not knowing what to do. But then she had risen to her feet, taken a look back at Grace´s peaceful form and had gone to her parent´s room.

After knocking she had gone in. They had risen from sleep knowing that there only would be one reason that she had left Grace´s side but she had said it anyway. "She´s gone."

Amia had been by her side first hugging her tight. Both of them crying. Josephe had risen more slowly going to his daughter´s room. When they had followed him they had found him sitting on Grace´s bed watching her peaceful face.

Amia had let go of Zoe to sat at the other side of the bed. Then she had taken Grace´s hand and begun to sing one of her old songs. After the first song Zoe had left the Cardinals to their goodbye. She already had had her´s.

She had gone to her guest room, fallen into the bed and within seconds in an exhausted sleep.

Back in the presence she stroked Grace´s painting with a smile. If their journey together was a painting it would be complete now. No white spot left. They had filled it with tears, laughter, warmth and passion. She smiled because a new kind of peace had settled in her heart.

###

A week later Zoe had her things packed. She was moving to her apartment. It felt like the right thing to do. She felt up to it. And her time here was over. In her eyes it was time for Tristan to move in with Miles.

The two of them had talked at length, with and without her and hadn´t taken it easy, but when Zoe saw the soft light that appeared in their eyes when they entered a room and the other was already there, she just knew they could be really happy together.

She had thought at length how to help them because even after all those talks they still both had been afraid of messing up. And in Zoe´s eyes this fear had been part of their problem. It had kept them from flowing together like Grace and her had.

Now she stood in front of the house, her taxi waiting and watched them leaving the house with her last bag. They put it down, gave each other a soft smile and kissed. She smiled brightly. In the end the solution had been so easy. She just had to look at Grace´s collage.

She had cleared out the living room, covered the floor with newspaper and assembled an easel with a new canvas. She had put the paint right beside. It´s been new tubes and she had let her fingers travel over them. Hopefully they would use them more than once.

She had risen to her feet and gone to the door where she had turned around and taken in the room with a smile. That´s how Grace and her had had always started as well.

A few minutes later she had come back with Miles and Tristan in tow. Irritated they had taken in the room.

"And now what?", Tristan had asked.

She had turned to them with a serious face. "And now you paint. Don´t think, just paint. Every damn feeling you have." Then she had given them a crooked smile and had left the room.

Tristan had gone to the canvas and knelt to take a look at the paint. Slowly it had sunk in that she had wanted them to take over that ritual of her and Grace. Moved he had closed his eyes to take a breath.

Miles had knelt beside him. "Are you okay?"

"Those paint sessions. It was their ritual", Tristan had answered.

"They painted together?", Miles had asked.

Tristan had nodded and swallowed the lump in his throat. "Must have been really precious to them. It still is to Zoe."

Miles had seen the tears in his eyes and hugged him. When they had separated he had gotten a tube of paint for himself. For a moment he had stared at it - trying to imagine Grace and Zoe painting together. Knowing why Zoe wanted to pass it on to them and appreciating the thought he had looked up to Tristan. "Well, then we better make good use of it."

And that they had. They had taken the canvas to the floor, kneeling in front of it, painting, touching, painting each other, kissing, rolling on the floor, laughing, kissing again. At the end they had lain on the floor arms stretched out in peaceful silence.

Zoe had left the house to leave them some space. So after they had showered and cleaned up they had sat down holding each other´s hand and talked. Really talked, getting everything out they had been afraid of to before. They had finally cracked it. Sleeping together that night had been most intense because they had finally started to tune together.

Now Miles and Tristan stood in front of Zoe to say goodbye. Tristan hugged her closed. "No diggin´ in, understood?"

She nodded with a grin. "No kicking Miles out of your life, understood?"

They both looked to Miles who grinned. "Won´t happen", Miles answered for Tristan before hugging Zoe as well.

She smiled meeting their gaze and pressed their hands. Then she said goodbye and got into the taxi.

The driver pulled off and Zoe leaned back. The drive wouldn´t be long and she was looking forward to making that apartment that only had been a place to sleep at when she was working late, her home now. Her new base.

And she already knew how Grace would fit into that place as well. With a smile she imagined the easel with Grace´s painting on it. Grace´s collage of their paintings would be pinned to its bottom and right under the title "All of my colors" there would be another paper made by Zoe saying "And I still love them." A picture in its´ wholeness.

*End*

* * *

 _I hope you enjoyed taking this road with them. Even though it´s sad, I for sure did._


End file.
